I type her name into the Google search bar: A-n-n-e-L-u-e-n-e-b-u-r-g-e-r and scroll down to click on her company, North of Neutral, “a global leadership advisory boutique”. I’m reading the book Essentialism and for some reason it reminds me of Anne. I want to see what she has been up to since we met at a bakery in New York City a few years ago.
When our husbands introduced us to each other I immediately liked her. Warm, confident and interesting, she was someone with whom I could visit for hours. Now, as I browse her website, I am impressed again. The company she founded has grown to include staff from all over the world and her clients and partnerships are inspiring to say the least.
“Wow,” I utter to myself while reading about her publications in international journals and Elle magazine. I click over to her staff page and pore over the remarkable bios–doctors, world travelers, professors and more. All of it makes me wonder at my own bio.
What exactly am I doing with my life? Posting the occasional blog, cheering for a few volleyball games and letting my heirloom tomatoes rot on my kitchen counter? What’s my claim to fame? What have I accomplished in my 40 years? Shouldn’t I be on the way to somewhere right now?
I feel small and insignificant.
It’s too late already and I know I shouldn’t be looking at the screen. I go to my room. Read some poetry. And go to bed.
“Vivi on her way to somewhere.” (Or, Vivi on top of the pile I need to spread around our new workshop.)
*I’m curious about failure. This post is part of an experiment where I observe and record my own mistakes and shortcomings. Read more in the introduction to the series here.
Experimenting as we grow 
Tricia – my dear! You are too hard on yourself. After reading yesterday’s post, it brought back a memory of standing at the doors into the church sanctuary on a Mother’s Day morning, laughing about our mutual foggy and blurred mental state due to motherhood: we both were immensely sleep-deprived! I admire how you ARE making your dreams Reality, not waiting for the future day when the demands of motherhood wane. I think you took care of an essential need when you went back to sleep. I don’t see Failure.
May I go on? 😉 Maybe I’m not getting tbe spirit of your writing challenge about failure, but I don’t see Failure in not being Anne! Too hard on yourself, my dear. Because I happen to think it’s YOU who does amazing stuff, too!!
xoxo. Janelle
Janelle, thank for taking the time to write all this. It makes me smile. I’m honoured you commented, honoured you’re reading my blog, honoured you don’t see failure, honoured you remembered our “mutual foggy and blureed mental states”…
I am not feeling quite as despondent as this post might suggest. Though I certainly felt this way, it’s not how I am feeling 100% of the time. Which is good. So good to hear from you! T
Tric, I was hoping you wouldn’t take offense to my ‘correction’!! 😘 I honestly admire you – and feel connected – because you are going after your writing (and other) dreams. It’s a growing (secret-shhh) dream of mine, too!
My example of failure: I borrowed the book Essentialism from the library, knowing I was too busy and wanting to “let go” and simplify….then was too busy to even read the book! I have since returned it. Love you always!!! (Hey, look! – I have written on a blog (yours)…one of my birthday goals has been met!!)
Ha!! This makes me laugh.
My dearest Tricia- I truly enjoy reading your blog and was especially curious about how you could find failure in anything you do. I have and always will admire the fact that you always speak your truth and live life according to what fits you and your family best whether that’s based on environmental or spiritual beliefs. I do not see the “failure” but rather a “runner-up to the best option”.
I am sure Anne is a lovely and talented lady but please never underestimate the #1 title you hold and that’s being a mom to your 3 beautiful girls. You are responsible for making sure the girls have every tool necessary to leave the nest as confident, young ladies and from what I know, nobody’s done any better for your family. Dr. Joyce Brothers said it best- “as women, we CAN have it all- but not at the same time”.
All that aside, I LOVE the way yoi have challenged yourself to find the failure as it is yet another way to rather than alienate those feeling “less than”.
Keep up the great work and hopefully we will have a chance to visit before the girls are married!
Debbie Sutherland
Sorry for the typos- trying to type on my phone as my laptop is drying out (could post my own blog on failure with that episode- ha ha).
I meant to say thank you for using failure as a way to unite rather than alienate people as we often never feel like we “measure up” to others.
So happy to read this Debbie. Thanks for taking the time to type it out, even on your phone:) I appreciate everything you wrote.
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