I type her name into the Google search bar: A-n-n-e-L-u-e-n-e-b-u-r-g-e-r and scroll down to click on her company, North of Neutral, “a global leadership advisory boutique”. I’m reading the book Essentialism and for some reason it reminds me of Anne. I want to see what she has been up to since we met at a bakery in New York City a few years ago.
When our husbands introduced us to each other I immediately liked her. Warm, confident and interesting, she was someone with whom I could visit for hours. Now, as I browse her website, I am impressed again. The company she founded has grown to include staff from all over the world and her clients and partnerships are inspiring to say the least.
“Wow,” I utter to myself while reading about her publications in international journals and Elle magazine. I click over to her staff page and pore over the remarkable bios–doctors, world travelers, professors and more. All of it makes me wonder at my own bio.
What exactly am I doing with my life? Posting the occasional blog, cheering for a few volleyball games and letting my heirloom tomatoes rot on my kitchen counter? What’s my claim to fame? What have I accomplished in my 40 years? Shouldn’t I be on the way to somewhere right now?
I feel small and insignificant.
It’s too late already and I know I shouldn’t be looking at the screen. I go to my room. Read some poetry. And go to bed.
*I’m curious about failure. This post is part of an experiment where I observe and record my own mistakes and shortcomings. Read more in the introduction to the series here.