Bad Jokes and Snowy Piñatas

The kids are getting squirrelly...

Children acting like caged monkeys…

I was at a meeting recently where the presenter was from New Jersey. He tried creating rapport with his audience by making jokes about the snow, the plug-ins hanging out of our vehicles, and the ice on the sidewalks. One woman tittered at the back of the room but the rest of the crowd remained stiffly silent. The man beside me made a snide remark under his breath. Sorry, nice fellow from New Jersey; I know you tried but frankly, winter jokes (especially ones we’ve all heard a thousand times before) just aren’t that funny this time of year. Canadians really do have a sense of humour–even though that’s not what you’ll tell your wife when you go home–but we’re rather unpredictable at this point. (See next photo.)


Belén, and accomplices, attacking the head of our giant hen. The snow sculpture has lost its novel appeal.

In other news, we’ve been talking birthing plans around here. Rather, Belen’s been talking birth plans, trying to hammer out the details, oh, about 20 years ahead of time.

“Mom,” she starts seriously, “I want to have babies but I just don’t want to have a baby.”

“Oh don’t worry, I’ll be right there with you—”

She cuts me off, “And Dad, too. I want you on one side and dad on the other.”

Susanna pipes up at this point, concerned she’s being left out of the picture.

“And me? Where will I be, Belén”

“You’ll be at my head,” she says decisively.

I ask where the father of the baby will be; she looks puzzled for a moment and then says, “Oh, he can just go down by my feet, I guess.” It sounds like he’s as much as an afterthought as a piece of limp parsley thrown on a plate at a cheap diner.

Susanna is still concerned about her position. “What if I don’t fit, Belén? What if there’s not enough room for me between the head of your bed and the wall?”

Belén answers briskly, “Well, then you’ll stand beside Mom or Dad.”

“And my husband, where will he be? I might have a husband, you know.” All of a sudden this is getting very complicated.

“At my feet. They’ll both have to be down there.” Then Belén sits back, looking pleased.

And I am pleased too. Pleased to be in this space, where our little family matters the most. It won’t always be this way–it shouldn’t always be this way–but it tastes sweet right now. Like smacking on a fresh piece of gum. Speaking of gum, this picture shows pretty clearly where we’re really at …

Susanna carefully constructed this decoration: a framed piece of chewing gum with an artistic flair. Where shall we hang it?

Susanna carefully constructed this decoration: a framed piece of chewed gum with embellishments. Where shall we hang it?

Also, the girls threw birthday party in the snow for one of their favourite dollies, including a piñata:

Come on, use your imagination. Can't you see the Mariachi in the background?

Come on, use your imagination. Can’t you see the Mariachi in the background?

DSCN5241_Once the snow piñata crashed to the ground, Belén and Susanna started scrambling for candies. And then they started fight. Yes, indeed. They managed to fight over candies that didn’t even exist!

A made scramble for the imaginary candy.

A mad scramble for the “candy”.

Here’s my parting shot; your response indicates your perspective on life. Are you the the kind of person who sees rich, dark humus and visions of juicy tomatoes, or does this make you want to call the city bylaw officer?

I've been adding to my compost pile all winter, and the snow has fallen just as fast, making it into a towering white mountain. As soon as the snow melts I'll add last years leaves and it will be much less offensive looking,

I’ve been adding to my compost pile all winter and the snow has fallen just as fast, making it into a towering white mountain. As soon as all the snow melts, I’ll mix in last year’s leaves and some fresh grass clippings to get rid of the evidence.

Yours truly, waiting for a steamy compost pile to dig around in!


5 thoughts on “Bad Jokes and Snowy Piñatas

  1. laughing at the thought of Susanna’s husband being at Belen’s birth. Also, I’m not going to mak a joke about winter, but, omg, all that snow! Is that current, April conditions?

  2. I thought the pile was something out of Aliens.
    Go for it, is all I can say.
    Nothing about winter is funny when we’re still covered in snow as we catapult into May.
    You write dialogue very well, by the way.

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