On Wednesday morning I felt sorry for myself. So sorry, that I picked up the phone to ask Bonnie if she too, was also feeling sorry for me.
This whole business started a long while ago (the reason I feel sorry for myself) but I remembered it again this week when a friend was describing her current situation to me. It was a situation I very much wanted to be in myself. And the more I thought about it, the more unhappy I became.
Then yesterday I checked on Rachel Turiel. She had written the following, about a day in the mountains with her family:
As we walked through the aspen groves, I had one of those moments where the world shrinks to a spotlight illuminating this one day, and I’m present enough to realize that right now, everything is good in a simple and straightforward way. Our family unit is still an uncontested force that everyone believes in. The kids’ smiles are free of any real heartbreak. In a contest between “looking good” and “having fun,” there is no contest: Col delves straight into the mud puddles soon as he’s sprung from the car. Rose is both old enough to hike a good distance, but young enough to turn to me and say, “can you hold my hat while I run like a pony?”
…Here we are, still belonging sweetly to each other before the bigger world, appropriately, begins to lure the kids away.
Reading her words was like giving my frontal lobe a swift kick as I thought, this is where we are at, too! This is us! I was reminded that my life, not the one I yearn for, is where I want to put my energy.
Who knows what your “alternate lives” look like, but I wish you the chance to look at your own life from the sidewalk and through the window (in my case the “window” was Rachel’s blog), and see the good in your midst.
Ps. By the way, Bonnie assured me she was, in fact, not feeling very sorry for me at all…
Pps. The frontal lobe is the part of your brain involved with abstract thinking, making comparisons, regulating social behaviour, and many more executive functions.
*My own end of the week tradition: words in song or story that move me in some way. I might type my very favourite parts in bold text, and I’ll always try to post a link below the quote so you can get more if you want it. Enjoy!